Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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