Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
