I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
