This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
