i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
they need to just BURY HIM!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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