He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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