they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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