If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
