I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
