you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
