my mouth tastes like poor choices
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
