He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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