Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
