The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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