she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
