Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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