But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
