why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
