In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
