grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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