my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He felt like a one man threesome
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
