Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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