Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
