I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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