My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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