I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
