sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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