I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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