We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
