I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
