I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
