Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
