Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
they need to just BURY HIM!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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