I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
