there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
