i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
