My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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