I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
