Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
