Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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