You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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