Whod you bang
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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