hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
