Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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