you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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