I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
