Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
