Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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