So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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