my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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