Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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