I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
