There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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