If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
