Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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