My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
