I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sober January is a disaster.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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