The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
