I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
