dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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