So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
