This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
