Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
