Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
