somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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