Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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