At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
