I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
