problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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