Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
