Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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