And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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